To celebrate the new year I have just published my book Happiness Design: How to Design Your Ideal Life and Make it Happen. It’s now available on Amazon.com (.co.uk, .it., .es, etc.)

The book is about happiness. More specifically it’s about designing happiness. In other words it’s about learning how to define, clarify, plan and realize your very own set of conditions that, when fulfilled, make you feel happy.

In the book I include step by step instructions on how to figure out what is important to you and leverage that knowledge to generate life plan options, pick the best and make it happen.

I introduce practical tools and techniques from the field of applied psychology including Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Interpersonal Communications, TimeLine Therapy as well as more practical considerations coming from the field of change management and project planning.

I wrote this book the way I live my life: with passion. I hope it will inspire you to take your life’s design in your own hands and to live your ideal life on your own terms.  

You can get it for free on Amazon only from Wednesday 22nd of January to Saturday 25th of January  and again on Thursday February 13th via this link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HVI3VQO 
After this promotion it will be available for purchase any time via the same link. 

If you go for the free download option I would appreciate your constructive reviews to help position it on amazon.com.
Feel free to share the book with those you care about.

 Wishes of a happy and productive 2014!

I have noticed an interesting trend lately. I seem to meet more and more people who, when asked the customary: ‘So what do you do?’ don’t simply answer: ‘I am a X’ (substitute X for ‘lawyer’, ‘manager’, ‘painter’, ‘salesperson’ or any other established profession). Most people seem to be doing a number of different things at once.

Sounds odd? Think I live on another planet? Just check the profiles on LinkedIn and you’ll see what I mean. Increasingly people’s LinkedIn profiles read something like: “I am a X & Y and also do a bit of A and B  and occasionally C”.

A ‘designer’ is now someone who works in “design, social media and event management and launching a crowd-funding platform startup” and a ‘therapist’ is now an “expert in alternative medicine, manager of an online distribution business, health blogger and also a musician for corporate events”. Even employees and executives in large companies may have a side gig where they take on another part-time business such as real estate, semi-professional poker players or offer some kind of professional service (un)related to what they do in their day jobs.

But this is not all, there are also others who will answer the same question differently based on who asks. So the same person may be a therapist, an online distributor, social media manager and an entrepreneur at different times of the day depending on what the person who asked does and needs.

Without going into a full sociological analysis, I think this trend is very telling of the economic and social context in which we live nowadays. Internet makes everything easier to access and faster to achieve. We can all reinvent ourselves and find a stimulating and rewarding profession if we set our mind to it. Increasingly it seems that the days of a training/job for life are becoming, well, a thing of the past . Not only this ‘for life’ label is starting to feel somewhat boring for some people but even for those who appreciate the stability of a fixed job these are getting harder to come by and not as secure as they used to be. Even getting hired in a large and stable corporation doesn’t guarantee a fixed job until it’s time to retire.  

On the other hand technology enables us to work anywhere and anytime. So people are making the most of technology and information and are reinventing themselves professionally all the time. And whilst you are it why limit yourself to just one activity when you can learn and do many things? The truth is that we all want to make some extra cash (ideally tax free). Also, acquiring basic ‘technical skills’ is getting easier (you can find an online course often quite fast and even for free). So provided the state is not in the business of regulating the access and practice of your chose new profession (such as medical doctor, lawyer, etc.) anything is within you reach.

We are constantly being stimulated to get used to multi-tasking. At work they tell us that we need to take on side projects and learn to juggle between roles and responsibilities or else. At home, where time seems to be shrinking all the time it is not uncommon to do many things at once simultaneously: eat, surf the net, watch TV, chat and answer an instant message.

Does all this multi-tasking stress you out? Is this parallel professional configuration starting to eat into our sense of professional certainty and identity?

If so consider this.

To regain a sense of grounding it may be helpful to reframe it. If you break all this down you find that it doesn’t really matter what you do or even how you are anymore. Above all we are all salespeople who need to source their clients and find ways to add value to them. Since knowledge is easier to obtain what is the tricky part is to get clients willing to part with their cash in exchange for whatever you may be able to offer them. So the key becomes finding clients and being both competent and flexible in giving them what they want. This is why people seem to be taking on more professional identities. They instinctively understand that what matters is the ability to source and service demand. The more they have to offer, the more they can leverage their skills to cross-sell the better it is. Suddenly a real-estate agent can double up as a sport psychologist and a social media manager may also be an online distributor for a multi-level marketing company. 

The exact configuration of what we do is less important than the overall ability to be creative, feel free, enjoy a sense of growth and contribution and whatever else the sum of the different things you are doing may be bringing you.

If you think this is only relevant to professionals who run their own business think again. Even in the corporate world people need to be able to display an image of competence and flexibility, willingness and ability to take on new roles (often in parallel to their official job spec) as demand comes in. If not, guess who will be on that list when the next merger, acquisition or downsizing hits (and it will sooner or later)?

So where does this leaves this growing group of multi-identity professionals? It depends. For some, those who have successfully made the transition by adapting and getting comfortable with this new multi-tasking professionalism, things are looking good. At times it may get a bit hectic but all in all it’s ok. 

For many others though it is really hard to keep smiling all the time. They clearly enjoy the feeling of freedom and creativity that this multi-tasking brings. In many ways once you get started taking on new roles adding yet another professional identity isn’t very hard and can even be fun. You kind of get used to it. After all the real skills required are already there: learning and selling something else.

So where is the problem?

Unfortunately for some this multiple professional identity can turn into a split-personality syndrome where they start feeling pulled in many directions without really knowing who they are any more.  If you are one of these multi-tasking pros you know what I am talking about. It’s stressing having to check 3 or 4 different email accounts, feed content to a number of social media networks and be quick in finding the right business card amongst the 3 or 4 in your wallet.  

Eventually some may start to desire a return to the good old “I am a X (and nothing else thank you very much)” scenario. Just one thing at a time: nice and easy.

So if you are feeling the pain of living in this multiple identity paradigm how do you go about it?

First, take a step back and find out exactly what is frustrating you. As people tend to enjoy what delivers their desired outcomes chances are that the issue is not the split-personality but rather the lack of proportional results given the amount of time and effort put in. This is the most likely scenario since one of the main reasons we do take up other activities because just the one may not be fulfilling at all levels and especially financially. 

In other words, before you jump to the conclusion that you are simply uncomfortable with doing too many things at once, you may first want to imagine what it would feel like if you could be doing these two, three or more activities and getting satisfying results from them all. Does this change your state of mind? If so you may want to review the issue and reframe it as a management problem. In other words what could you do more or differently to get the results you want? Are you getting your priorities right? Is your time management efficient? Are you leveraging the right resources? Can you get some help? Can you automate tasks?

On the odd chance that you are getting the results you want but still feel frustrated then your issue is even simpler to resolve. Simply prioritize and delegate or drop one or more activities and only focus really feels right for you. Typically your best seller may be the right candidate to focus on as you people tend to enjoy more what they are good at.

Once you have taken the steps above, and only then, you may want to consider a deeper assessment of how each activity and professional identity is aligned to your core values and basic human needs.

Some activities may be generating some frustration because although they align well with some of your values they may not deliver others aspects that are also important to you. Example you may feel that activity X allows you to satisfy your need for helping others but doesn’t make you feel that creative any longer. If creativity is a core value for you then it is clear that this activity may be losing appeal to you. In certain, more extreme, cases this misalignment  can go all the way towards generating an internal conflict. This happens when you feel that a certain activity is bringing you something you value whilst at the same time bringing something you dislike. As an example think of a salesperson who loves what they do as they get a thrill from closing deals but knows that what they are selling isn’t really as good as it is claimed to be. This can generate an internal conflict where achievement is in conflict with another important value: integrity. Ideally this person would recognize this and come up with a way to design an integrity-based selling approach. With a bit of creativity, resilience and passion almost anything can be achieved but, as we have seen in previous posts, not always is this possible. In these cases it may be best to move on to something else where the two values may coexist and even enhance each other.

However there is another crucial question to ask before you make a significant decision such as dropping one of the things you do. You need to go back to your six fundamental human needs and be fully conscious of how much, in particular, you value stability over variety. As I have explained in a previous post we all share six fundamental human needs and although all are important for us we tend to favor one or two. 

When dealing with the challenge of being many things at once we need to be honest with ourselves and understand the relative weight that the need for stability and variety have for us. If we need stability over variety it is likely that at some point this multi-tasking may start to take its toll as we go back to what is in essence a conflict: the creative part is satisfied but the stability-seeking one is not. As mentioned earlier it is often possible to reconcile dissonant parts.

 In the next post I shall explain how to do that.

As usual: stay tuned and get in touch if you need any help to make sense of this in the context of your current challenges and objectives.

In the last post I have introduced the concept of belief system and have explained why it matters and where it comes from.

Now it’s time to tackle those beliefs that are limiting you and experimenting trading them up for more empowering ones.

There are many ways to do this and some use encantations which is an old and tested technique of writing down your limiting beliefs and crossing them out before writing a more empowering one that you then read out loud and with conviction many times over and over again. This works but it always felt a bit innatural to me, surely because I have a belief somewhere about reading things out loud J

I prefer a more structured approach that has 6 steps.

1.       Focus on an objective

2.       Assess your beliefs

3.       Challenge the limiting beliefs

4.       Strengthen the new beliefs

5.       Visualise

6.       Step up to act as a role model

Step 1. Focus on an objective

Although you could assess your beliefs in general it tends to be easier and more practical to do so in relation to a specific objectiv or situation you are facing. As an example, you may need to give a presentation and you want to perform well by influencing people and leading them to take action like buying something from you. Now that you know what is your desired outcome you can move to step 2.

Step 2. Assess your beliefs

With regards to your desired outcome write down what are your beliefs. Don’t get too technical here, treat any thought that comes to mind as a belief. Don’t be judgemental simply list them down and notice how some are more helpful and other less so. In other words some are empowering and others are limiting. In the context of the example above you could find that you hold limiting beliefs like: “I am not good at speaking in public” or “I have never persuaded anybody” or “I only like what is familiar to me” or “I can’t speak to someone I don’t know”. There may be also some empowering ones like: “In the end, not sure how or why, things always seem to work out”, “I have friends and resources that I can access to help me” or “I am funny”.

Step 3. Challenging your limiting beliefs

Now that you have a list of specific limiting beliefs you are ready to take them on. To do so you can use a very familiar process that you do all the time but in the unhelpful way. Think of any situation or objective that you don’t feel to secure about. Chances are that you will think something like: “What if it doesn't go well?” or “What if I fall in front of everybody?” This ‘What if’ thought process is indeed very powerful but it tends to be used in a negative way. How about using it to your advantage?

Take one of the limiting beliefs you have identified above and use the ‘What if’ process in a helpful way. Here is how I would apply it to one of the limiting beliefs from above: “What if I am better at speaking in public than I think?”  or “What if I am actually quite good at connecting with people?”

All we are doing here is to, literally, start questioning beliefs that we take for granted. In so doing we open up to a other possibilities. Doing this alone starts to weaken your limiting beliefs and deconstructs your belief system but what we are after is not just for your current belief system to unravel. We want to build a more helpful and empowering belief system from the ashes of the limiting one. To do so let’s move on to steps 4 to 6.

Step 4. Strengthen the new beliefs

Now that you have embryos of empowering beliefs it is time to stregthen them so that they can support you and carry you forward. To do so take the output of step 3 and add a ‘because…’ at the end of each ‘What if…’ statement. To increase the sense of certainty remove the initial ‘What if’ bit.

As an example let’s take “What if I am actually quite good at connecting with people?” This would therefore become “I am actually quite good at connecting with people because I am a great listener ”. Or “I am better at speaking in public than I think because I take time and care to prepare well my speech”.

Notice that you are not simply making stuff up, this process is designed to help you think of and uncover hidden abilities or characteristics. To put things in perspective consider that nobody is perfect. Even those who think they are good at speaking in public tend to take less time to prepare their speeches and are less used to face situations where a speech goes badly. They simply are not used to that. That is good in one way and bad in another because they tend to go on automatic pilot and if they hit a turbulence that can really take them by surprise . Those who consider themselves great at connecting with others tend to speak more and listen less. In other words there is always scope to question everything and leverage the findings to improve our performance.

Go through all the beliefs and replace or enhance as many as you can. Don’t spare time or energy on this. Manufacture what you need to be more successful.

Take the resulting empowering beliefs, write them down on slips of paper or post-it notes and bring them close to your chest one by one. Read the out loud and with conviction as you do so. Feel how they change your character, how they shape your new sense of self, how they make you feel you more confident and stronger as you take in the strength of these new beliefs and drop the old ones (for added impact take the original list with the limiting beliefs, tear up the paper and through them behind you).

Step 5. Visualise

You now have the ingredients to start creating your new reality. Take the empowering beliefs from above to imagine yourself in the future as you take on your step 1 challenge or objective equipped with this new set of beliefs. Visualise how you will look, sound and feel differently. See yourself like the main character in a film called “<Your name> achieving/overcoming <your objective/challenge>”.  Be creative here, go wild, make it vivid and as real as you can. Enjoy the feeling.

Step 6. Step up

And now, for the grand finale with added drama and an even stronger impact consider this bonus step.

Imagine what it would be like to take on your step 1 challenge or objective with this new set of empowering beliefs in front of someone you care deeply about and for whom you want to set an example of excellence as a mentor.

For those of you with kids, think that your son or daughter or nephew is looking at you as you deal with this situation. This will generate and allow you to access extra inner strength to deal with whatever you are facing. If you don’t have kids think of someone you care for or admire that you want to impress. How would yo behave if this person were there looking at you?

Powerful perspective isn’t it?

Try it now and enjoy that sense of being limitless.

Now go get whatever step 1 is about. It’s yours and you can make it happen. Believe it. You can.

Please note that as usual my role is to empower you  as I have a genuine belief that everyone has a greater potential than what they are currently accessing. However I am not for pushing people to have unrealistic thoughts or beliefs. Thinking that you can take on the business world and become a world tycoon may be right or wrong for you. This belief can be empowering if leveraged well but it can also become a source of frustration if you lack the willingness, resources or abilities to do what you must to get what you want. Nothing is impossible but remember that some objective are better suited to you than others. Leverage your potential but make sure to be wise about what you choose and how you deal with the realization  that you chose the wrong mission if you ever come to that. See one of my previous posts on this as I offer practical strategies to deal with this important and tricky aspect of personal development.      

Now, as always, I am here to support you. If you need help to audit and change your limiting beliefs get in touch and I will guide you through this proven process to get you to believe and achieve new heights. Thanks for your trust and interest so far.

Now that you have learned about your basic human psycological needs, your values/ criteria and you rules, you are well positioned to take on the next piece of the puzzle that defines why you do what you do and shy away from certain things: your belief system.

What is a belief system and why does it matter?

A belief system is a set of beliefs or thoughts that you hold to be true (often despite the evidence) and that shape and give meaning to your experiences. These beliefs can be limiting or empowering, and as such they will hold you back or propel you forward as you deal with challenges and opportunities in your life.

We speak of a system because they tend to support one another and end up creating an integrated system of beliefs and thoughts that over time can lead you to lose the ability to see things from a different perspective.

As an example, think of what happens in you when an idea of yours is shot down by someone you know well or not at all. This could be at work or at home or with friends. Some people react by shutting down as they give in to the belief that their ideas are never good, that nobody cares for their input and that they just aren’t worth much. Faced with exactly the same situation others react by leveraging their belief that every feedback, good or bad, is a learning opportunity. This pushes them to review their idea, take in the feedback and come up with a new version of the original idea that they are happy to sumbit again.

In the first case, the limiting belief triggers feelings of inadequacy, fear and insecurity that not only lead to pulling back at the time but will also influence character and attitude over time.

In the second instance, the empowering belief leads to trying again from a different angle and boosts resilience, confidence and attitude that can and will be leveraged over and over again in the future.

So where to beliefs come from?

In essence, they are the product of a complex set of factors including innate character traits and above all early experience and education during the formative years. In this sense beliefs are learned and embedded in your way of thinking and being as a mechanism to protect you from negative consequences.  You may, for instance, have been severely punished as a child for venturing away from your garden or block and getting lost. As such you may have developed a belief that taking on risks will always lead to bad outcomes.

But don’t think that this means that if your beliefs tend to be of the limiting sort you are doomed. It’s never too late to change even though you are no longer a child. The good news is that as an adult you are fully in charge and control of your personal development process and you can decide to assess and change your beliefs to make them more empowering and less limiting.

Although there are many limiting beliefs they all stem from three basic inner fears that are common to all human beings to a greater or lesser degree. These are:

1.       The fear to fail

2.       The fear of not being worthy

3.       The fear not to be liked/loved

If you think carefully and honestly about this you will find that whatever limiting beliefs you may have they can all be mapped back to one or more of these three fears above.

The reason why people typically don’t like to speak in public or dance is that they are afraid to fail and make a fool of themselves. Some believe that they aren’t worth much and therefore they don’t take on challenges, or do so only halfheartedly, because they don’t truly believe that they could ever deserve to make it. Finally others are so afraid about what people will think of them if they decide to challenge the status quo and try something new, that they get used to stay put in their current condition. They do so in the belief that it is the only way to preserve that little connection and love that they have with their peers.

Any of this sounds familiar? 

In the next post I will explain how to go change all this.

As usual stay tuned.

Until then remember that you give meaning to what happens around you, not the opposite.